I do like being considered young (even if it is associated with something as scary as ovarian cancer). However, being “young” in this case has involved facing a range of challenges and frustrations, particularly in relation to those ever pervasive norms around women and childbearing.
I’m 35, I don’t have children, I’m not in a relationship.
Of course I’d thought about those facts before the middle of July 2014, and I’ve thought about them since. But I’ve long been (and remain) uncertain (as are many women I know) about what I really think about being single, having children/not having children, being a single mum, adoption, internet dating, marriage blah blah blah. None of this related to how I defined myself – not then and not now. We live in a pervasively heteronormative world and this has always frustrated – before my hysterectomy and since.
Post-operatively (I didn’t really have any lead time to think all that much pre-operatively… just 22 hours between discussing surgery and having surgery) this mostly relates – in my case – to assumptions around fertility and child-bearing that, as a 35 year old single woman without children, I’m used to being challenged by. It now goes something like this: “you’re a young woman without kids, who has maybe five good years of potential child-producing left, you therefore must want to have kids, and the fact that you now cannot must be devastating”. I’m not in anyway trying to suggest that this isn’t something I’ve thought about and I’m well aware that for some women this is truly devastating, but this blog is about me. And, for me, it is not the issue; it is not devastating..
The issue – for me – would be: experiencing a truly hectic few weeks, facing a 5 year prognosis, being told that I’m lucky, that I have a borderline tumour, that I have my health, and should – with regular monitoring – have a normal life expectancy. It is about celebrating my incredible global network of family and friends who are simply wonderful. It is about reflecting on the global life I have built for myself and for my homes across continents. I’m not gushing, honest, but it really is about reflecting on what is – genuinely – a fantastic life filled with love and how I’ve managed to overcome what would have been a devastating diagnosis.
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The majority of women who have a hysterectomy are older, many have (or at least deemed to have) “completed their families” (whatever that actually means…..) and may be peri- or post-menopausal. Therefore, most of the available resources and online forums relating to hysterectomy are targeted to the older woman.
Those that target younger woman focus on fertility loss, early menopause and the inability to have (any more) children.
It is difficult to find anything relating to celebrating a positive outcome from surgery, and dealing with the physical and emotional recovery from a hysterectomy at a young(ish) age that doesn’t focus on a loss-of-child-bearing-ability.
I want to know more about surgically-induced menopause in young women (I now know that it’s quick and hot flushes aren’t fun and that your sleep gets messed up but that oestrogen patches kick in fast).
I want to know more about HRT for young women – particularly about how to deal with oestrogen patches that leave a rash and glue on your skin (apparently wave it around before sticking it on to allow some adhesive to evaporate, use baby oil to remove the sticky).
I want to know more about what happens later – when do I stop my patches? When I’m 51? 60?
I want to know more about how to think about talking to a new partner about being on HRT and having had a hysterectomy.
I want to know more about how to talk about having had a hysterectomy at a young age; why does everyone of all ages suddenly switch to hushed voices and feel it’s a chat only for the ladies, and get upset for you.
I want to know why I’ve found it/I find it hard to speak out about having had a hysterectomy publicly; I’m a speaker-out of many things so why is this so different?
jozi-ovari 
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