My.Left.Brain

“A diabolical and absorbing experience”

Roger Ebert reviewing the film Momento, Chicago Sun-Times

Nearly three years ago, I wrote my first post about My.Left.Ovary.  It was the day I had ultrasounds, and – unknowingly – two days before I underwent radical surgery.  It was also the first time I’d ever blogged… 

Today, I’m writing my 86th post.

I’ve just received authorisation from my medical aid to go spend a delightful 24 hours having my brain examined: an MRI and an EEG (electroencephalogram) (basically spending 24 hours in a sleep deprived state to determine if my brain is mis-firing in anyway). This is an overly-cautious approach but one that I am grateful to be able to access – I’ve been having a bunch of cognitive/memory problems that are almost certainly the result of undergoing surgical menopause at the age of 35. 

However, the tests I recently underwent to explore my cognitive function were less than brilliant and – as a result – they’re wanting to check that there’s nothing more sinister lurking in my brain, and to determine if there’s anything degenerative.  They’ve told me I have PSEUDO-dementia.  So, like dementia. But not actually dementia.  Super reassuring.

The cognitive function tests indicated that My.Left.Brain has basically “clogged up” (the technical words of the Neuropsychologist, not mine) and I was found to be ‘deficient’ and ‘poor’ and ‘disproportionate’ on various measures, with tests indicating that my left hemisphere is misbehaving.

Oestrogen – I was helpfully reminded – is neuroprotective; without it (or with it but via replacement and not the ‘real deal’), things can – basically – fuck up.  This isn’t the case for everyone but is likely the culprit here.  The result is that my executive function is overloaded and explains a whole bunch of symptoms. 

I’ve been told that I will likely just need to get used to my New Normal.  And that pissed me off.  But I wasn’t expecting them to then send me off to examine my brain.

Assuming there’s nothing nasty in there, (prescription) drugs can help with some of the brain chemistry issues and the PSEUDO-dementia – particularly attention deficiency (I’ve been taking Concerta – it helped initially, now less so).  I’ll also need to get my anxious mind under control as that’s really not helping.  And I’ll just have to figure out new ways to remember things, a la Memento perhaps?

From My.Left.Ovary to My.Left.Brain.  I’ve already let them take my left (and right) ovary (and a whole bunch of other stuff); they’d just better not suggest removing my brain.  That would be diabolical.