On practicing #selfcare

Ongoing conversations with a brilliant woman who shares the struggles of continuous, scary, health concerns – and a passion for finding ways to creatively process, share, and reflect on these experiences as a form of #selfcare – constantly remind me of the difficulties inherent in actually practicing #selfcare. I believe in it, I advocate for it, but do I actually practice it?

As women – as ‘strong’ women, as ‘successful’ women, as ‘professional’ women – we’re expected to be able to ‘deal’ with our chronic health concerns: to have the energy to always put on a ‘brave face’; to ‘always look on the bright side’; to recognise that it ‘could always be worse’; and, that – in the scheme of things – we’re the ‘lucky ones’.

These expectations can result in making us think that we should always be OK. And that we don’t have the right to have difficult days, weeks, months or years when the everyday becomes a struggle.

These expectations to ‘always be ok’ are a constant theme in online discussions with other ladies who have also received a borderline ovarian tumour/cancer (BOT) diagnosis (and I’ve written about this previously, here and here). We seem to struggle with practicing #selfcare. We are too often trying to ‘stay strong’ for others – and, perhaps, for ourselves – that we forget, or don’t have the energy, to practice our own #selfcare. Rather, we are more often practicing caring for others. Of course this isn’t a bad thing. But when it’s to the detriment of our own #selfcare, I think we need to re-think our practice.

Illustration by @makedaisychains

The fabulous Hannah of the wonderful @makedaisychains Instagram account provides regular reminders of the importance of #selfcare [Hannah also has a great Etsy shop]. Whilst Hannah focuses on mental health, she carefully – and kindly – reminds us all of the importance of acknowledging and recognising daily acts of #selfcare. Her brilliant ‘boring self care’ series illustrates how actions that, for some, come easily can, for many of us – at different times and for different reasons – become nearly impossible. The energy and effort needed to practice #selfcare can be overwhelming.

And for us BOT ladies, life can be, and often is, exhausting…. making yet another appointment for yet another blood test, or having to yet again get to the pharmacy to pick up yet more oestrogen replacement patches, or yet again fearing that the ache or pain you feel is something more sinister, or yet again having an appointment for major surgery rescheduled at the last minute, or yet again not knowing if you have the right to contact your healthcare provider because you are scared and need a non-scheduled appointment…. and so the list goes on.

We don’t recognise these tasks as acts of #selfcare.

Perhaps if we do, we will feel less resentful about the time and energy needed to deal with the continued background noise that comes with a BOT diagnosis. Perhaps it will help us to not feel guilty for the times we find the ‘everyday’ difficult.

Illustration by @makedaisychains

We – collectively – need to acknowledge and celebrate the everyday #selfcare we practice. We need to practice practicing our #selfcare. We need to recognise #selfcare as part of a long-term-health-and-wellbeing-care package: part of long-term treatment and follow-up.

Maybe we will then feel more confident in celebrating our everyday achievements, and in finding time and energy to practice our own #selfcare.